“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
If you want to become inspired to start exercising, would you go to the local bridge club?
Of course not! How on earth would bridge players inspire you to exercise?
If visiting the bridge club is not a good idea, what would be a better choice ?
- I will tell you
- why it doesn’t work
- what does work and why
- how you can use this to boost your own success
Charles is a guy who wants to get started with exercising, and build his body. Ha wants big muscles to impress beautiful girls.
Charles spends most of his time with his friends Mark and George. Mark and George are more interested in sitting on the sofa and watching TV than exercising. They are not interested to go to the gym, so when Charles asks them they decline.
Charles gets started anyway, and exercises on his own. He exercises twice a week, and develops a good routine for this. He enjoys to exercise.
One night with Mark and George, Mark says to him: “It’s no use you exercise. You will not get any muscles anyway. You are just wasting your time.” Hearing this makes Charles feel discouraged.
George agrees with Mark that it is useless and a waste of time to exercise. They are both his close friends, so their opinions have an impact on him. He starts to believe what they are saying,
Charles starts to lose all interest in exercising, so he quits. Sadly to say, permanently.
In this case Charles’ friends discourage him from being successful. They don’t inspire. They stop him! His friends are not gym freaks. They are bridge players!
Mark and George do not want amazing bodies with big muscles. They are content with sitting in front of the TV and enjoying a good movie. They do not want to change!
His friends are not gym freaks. They are bridge players!
Mark and George make Charles lose motivation. They do not see exercising as something positive. They only find it cumbersome.
The truth is that Mark and George don’t do this on purpose. They only convey their own opinions of exercising to Charles. Exercising doesn’t give them anything.
So what would be better for Charles to do?
Monica is a nurse at a big hospital. She has considered to start golfing, but her boyfriend is not interested.
At a coffee break at work she tells her colleagues about her golf interest. Mary and Jane, two of the nurses, immediately show interest.
They have both been thinking about playing golf, but not found anyone else interested. After a brief chat, all three of them decide to sign up for a golf course.
They do the course, and have lots of fun together. When they have got their green cards they all decide to continue playing golf together.
This new common interest gives Monica lots of energy. They all manage to lower their handicaps, and Monica becomes so proficient she signs up for a golf competition.
Mary and Jane support Monica’s interest, and they all inspire each other. They enjoy playing golf together, and help each other to improve.
Mary and Jane do not support Monica on purpose. They just notice that when they make Monica have fun, they have fun too. This is a win-win situation, where all are winners.
What Can We Learn from This?
By spending time with people disliking our interests, we will be discouraged to develop them. By spending time with people sharing our interests, we will be encouraged to develop them.
If you want to be encouraged – spend time with people who like what you do.
How Can You Use This in Self Improvement?
If you spend time with people living dull and tedious lives, and being content with that, how much do you think these people will inspire you to grow? Not very much, I can tell you.
They may even stop you, just because of the danger of confronting their own fear to grow. What if they fail, and people make fun of them for it? Unthinkable!
Yet there are so many people that make a serious attempt to start exercising. They spend all their time with bridge players, and they wonder why they do not succeed!
But what if you spend time with people also interested in self improvement? These people know what you are doing, and why, because they do the same thing. And they encourage you!
When you have been struggling for a while, and wonder how to continue, and whether it even is possible to do. After having talked to your friends, and they have told you about their own challenges and thus inspired you, you feel both joy and hope to continue! You find yourself with new energy.
This is the way it has been in my life. I read many self-help books, attended a lot of courses, and learned a lot. But somehow I always lost speed very quickly afterwards. It was difficult to keep the inspiration up.
It was not until I started to spend time with other self improvers that my development really took off! These were people with a goal, and determined to get there. They really inspired me. They guided me.
If you want to improve in an area:
Find people who also want to improve in this area. They will inspire you, and you will inspire them. This is win-win!
Spend less time with people who don’t like or understand what you are doing. These people will slow you down. I don’t say give them up, I just say spend less time with them, and spend more time with people who inspire you.
By spending time with uninspiring friends
you set yourself up for losing.
By inviting inspiring friends into your life
you set yourself up for winning!
So what do you choose?
By changing your social circle, and inviting people who are like you want to be, you will be indirectly changing your own way to be.
By focusing on your old acquaintances, rather content with their lives but not very inspiring, then this is the life you will get. By spending time with people interested in self improvement, then that is the life you will get.
Eventually you will have attracted so many new inspiring people into your life that you cannot resist the change they offer. You are drawn in. You have changed your destiny.
You are all the time affected by people you spend time with, by their habits and attitudes.
When you choose new friends, your habits and attitudes will change, and consequently your future.
Choose your future by choosing your friends!
Who do you want to become ?
Invite new friends into your life who reflect that person.
Those people will help you and inspire you.
What is your experience with changing friends? Please add a comment below.